Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
