I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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