At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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