I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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