So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
