I love black thongs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
