I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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