I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
