you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
