i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We are two peas in an std pod
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
