Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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