just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
