When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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