my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize