Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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