somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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