OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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