Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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