Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
