girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
