P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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