u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
