My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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