i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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