I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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