I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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