Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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