Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
