I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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