she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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