Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
