GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
