Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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