YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
