Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
