This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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