U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
