Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
