it hurts more in the daytime
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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