and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
