clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
