my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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