I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
