Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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