just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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