normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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