After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
