watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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