Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
