YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize