I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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