please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
