Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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