imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
