my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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