You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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