**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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