you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how does that bad decision feel?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
