youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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