i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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